thank u israil. i made some changes, but i really like the grunt idea for Vasari. how do u like the changes to the fleet master issue? a premiers basically the best of the type. pretty much. like the premier of france.

instead of having 2 grunts, why not have minor gurnt and major grunt?

(Or take the ranks from Halo, in order of difficulty to kill - minor grunt [Ungoy], major grunt, jackals[Kig-yar], Drones [Yanme'e], minor elite [Sangheili], majore elite, zealot,  SpecOps elite, Lekgolo, and San 'Shyuum)

Write a novel!

You have a great sensitivity to plot and suspense. I'd root for it to become a movie alternative to Star Trek or Star Wars.

For the Vasari, I suggest that ranks within the said race are a mere facade, whose sole purpose is to misdirect their enemies who are "genetically predisposed" to viewing strict adherence to leadership ranks as the only means to achieve anything. In truth, they treat each other equally, since their sole obsession is domination. They are unfazed whether "high ranking" officials die or get wiped out, unlike the TEC or the Advent whose strict adherence to organizational leadership is a flaw that can be exploited; that is, if their leaders are assassinated, it causes a lot of disorder and political wrangling that could lead to destabilization and disarray.

If there's one quality that we can admire in the Vasari, politics for them is a mere product of the imagination, a fleeting fancy that takes root in nothing more than to satisfy ambitious egos and a major obstacle to one's obsessive drive to rule galaxies. This makes the Vasari unrelentingly vicious since the only reality they live in is the conquest--or if need be, the annihilation--of other races. The reason why they have such a thing as "valued citizens"  is that these other races are mere pawns for them. They are kept alive, and if the latter are recognized for their worth, the only purpose for doing so is to cajole them into submission, so as to avoid the complications caused by rebellion. 

If there is a "human side" to them, it is  their obsessive love for their own race. They care a whole lot about each other, probably to the point of cheesiness, from the viewpoint of the TEC and the Advent. But when dealing with their enemies, well, The Vasari are like John Rambo on steroids.

It's like having Heath Ledger's Joker. But in the billions.

It's just a simple suggestion.  Hope it works.

i dont really want to quote you, AxeEmAll, just cause thats a whole lotta word, but here we go. the vasari, in my perspective, dont care about the races they dominate, as you said, nor do they care whether a high official is killed. but they do care about politics, somewhat. like what u'll see in my next chapter, the High Captain assassinates the Fleet Admiral Commander because he wanted to rule the fleet, and he thought that Xranks was in the way. Now when the other officials of the fleet come for a conference of war, they are not phased by the blood-stained room and the new Admiral Commander, indeed they feel great respect for the Vasari that had the courage to do such a thing. they scheme, but they prize good scheming, great tactics, and the such. since they are such a strict militarized race, they care greatly for rank, and one who is lower than another should strictly abide to his place, unless, once again, he can devise a way to move higher up. without getting caught. it is something like a military tactic theyd use against an enemy, find a way to defeat him, but do it in a way that they wouldnt expect, something they aren't prepared for. and since it is similar to the idea that theyd use in war, successful assassinations and the like are highly prized accomplishments...until they can be killed by someone else. and in this multitude it becomes very hard to trust anyone, for they could be plotting to take your place, so military rank helps there also since there are things you say to a subordinate and things you say to a...i forget the word...official with a higher rank, and that is that. they are rigidly stuck in their militaristic regime.

actually i guess that is wat u were saying, politics was nothing more than a way to satisfy ambitious egos, but i explained more .

the Vasari do have a natural drive to conquer galaxies and enslave others, but underlying that is the fear of whatever is chasing them, a fear that has laid there for centuries, and that shows up in my story also. how the Vasari behave when they start to lose. "what? we lost? we've never lost a planet before! Except...my god can these creatures be it?" and that makes the Vasari more cautious in their attack and leads to the standoff that is entrenchment, but thats way later in the book and i basically just came up with that now. good idea though. the advent is going to scare the shit out of the Vasari. but they'll both have surprises for each other....

o yes, and from my first long paragraph of words, i obviously do not agree with ur the Vasari love each other more than anything. definitely not.

well, hope this all helps u see wat goes on in my head. thanks for the suggestions, AxeEmAll, your post just helped me come up with many many ideas for later on in the story. a couple of which i mentioned in this post.

o, here comes another idea. maybe the zombie-Zeke will become a sort of Heather Ledger Joker character. Who knows. We'll see how it goes. Hope you're all excited for new chapters. they'll be coming soon.

the two grunts pretty much mean that instead of the two different rankings the U.S. have, i just made them one rank for that race. u'll see that in my Advent ranks too, if im not mistaken. yeah, for the convalescence. theres just the one rank, not two different ones. should i make that more obvious on the chart?

Chapter 4, part 1
Councils of War

The Vasari

10 years ago, Vasari Base of Operations, planet code named VASAR

    Flankx looked up at the knock on his door. It was his door now. He waved his hand in the direction of the door, and the small reader recorded his hand motion and unlocked it. The six Elite Subjugators entered the room, eyes swiveling in case of traps. Flankx's mouth twitched. He had already laid his trap, and the one he had lain it for had fallen into it. Flankx stood up and motioned for the Elite Subjugators to take a seat. They did, hesitantly, unsure of their surrounding. It took great strength to hide his smile. Flankx looked around at the room. Purple Vasari blood streaked the walls, gathering in pools on the floor. Across one wall was the outline, in blood, of a Vasari.
    "When will the Admiral Commander be with us?" One of the Elite Subjugators asked.
    Flankx snorted. They still thought him a High Captain!
    "He is standing in front of you."
    They stared at him, first at the omission of sir, then again when they realized what he had said. Each of them in turn licked his lips.
    "My humble apologies, Admiral Commander, I was not aware..."
    "Enough. We have other matters to discuss."
    Elite Subjugator Num'pol rose from where he had prostrated himself on the floor, thinking hard. This Vasari had killed Xranks? Num'pol gave the new Admiral Commander a closer look. Power permeated the air around him, and he barely hid a smirk. Yes, this one was capable of assassinating a superior. Very capable. Arrogance followed this one as the hecer follows the cabal. Yes, this one was extremely dangerous. Yet Num'pol could not stop a feeling of awe sweep through him. Again he studied the room. Blood soaked almost every corner, yet there was no sign of a struggle. Whatever he had done, he had done quick, yet the victim had not died slow. He must have cut out the tongue first, so Xranks could not cry out for help. Then, piece by piece...Num'pol imagined this new Admiral Commander slicing up Xranks like a newly-strung sapper. Yes, this one had power.
    "I believe it was 2nd branch that first reported the hostiles?"
    Num'pol rose and bowed. "Yes, Admiral Commander, it was I."
    "Inform me."
    "Sir. We first arrived at the yellow star we have named Hiske, and followed a phase lane to a small terran planet. This planet, sir. There were numerous structures we believe were trade ports, or something similar, due to the extreme number of cargo ships. Hundreds of them, sir. We managed to destroy about a hundred, you can check our log for an exact count, sir, but hundreds still escaped through other phase lanes. We then destroyed the trade ports and took control of the planet. Due to this new threat, we eliminated all inhabitants of the planet before colonizing. We didn't think it wise to allow them a chance to escape. We do not know anything about them, yet. Sir. As we took out the structures we radioed in the occurrence, and received orders to lock down the planet and its gravitational ring, which we did. That is all, sir."
    Num'pol sat back down as Flankx frowned in thought.
    "So we know not the numbers of our foe, just that they have hundreds of cargo ships on one planet...1st branch."
    The Vasari to the right of Num'pol rose. His name was Esquian.
    "Yes, Admiral Commander?"
    "You will take your division and chase after these fleeing trade ships. Scout the system. Report any resistance, however small, and your coordinates. Check in every 3 hours. If you encounter heavy resistance, do not engage and send an immediate alert. Do not engage! That is very important. We will need to trap them. Whittle down their numbers, yet keep one space-worthy and disabled, so we might learn more about these creatures. 2nd branch, you will take your forces and follow behind 1st branch, reading his reports in detail, and choosing a more tactically efficient base of operations. This planet has too many phase lanes jutting out of it. We need one we can easily defend, yet would be hard to assault."
    Num'pol rose and bowed. "I know what to look for, Admiral Commander."
    "Then go. Both of you. 1st branch, I expect you to leave immediately. Waste no time. 2nd branch, I want you gone by 1st branch's first report, in three hours. Are we clear?"
    "Completely, Admiral Commander."
    "It will be done, Admiral Commander."
    Esquian and Num'pol left the blood-stained room, leaving 3rd through 6th branch with the new Admiral Commander. He did not envy them. This new Admiral Commander made no mention of the fate of his predecessor, indeed, he did not even mention the state of the room. He did not speak of it, yet his action alone spoke loud enough. This one was dangerous. Num'pol looked at Esquian.
    "The fate of the Vasari lies in this one's hands," Esquian quoted from the Tome of the Warrior.
    Num'pol nodded. "It shall be as it shall be, and none will have the power to stop it." That was from the Prophecies of Reunion.
    Esquian held out his arm. "For brother made, and brother sold, we are brothers and stand against the Darkness."
    Num'pol shivered. Esquian was quoting the Downfall of the Empire. The darkness referred to whatever chased them. What was still chasing them. It was not mentioned in normal conversation.
    "You believe these creatures to be of the Dark, then?"
    "Nothing is clear, yet I believe we will find that these creatures surround us, and they will not be conquered as easy as VASAR. The Darkness might have spread before us, and laid a trap against us. We must be careful, or it will swallow us."
    Num'pol grasped Esquian's hand, and shook it firmly. "We will do all we can to fight the Darkness, yet still it will come. We will flee, yet we shall be victorious. That is the way of the Vasari."
    Esquian grinned. "Good hunting, Num'pol."
    "Good hunting."
    The Darkness might have spread before us, and laid a trap against us. Num'pol shivered. None of the Vasari had ever faced the Darkness. It had always followed behind them, eating up the planets they had placed sensors on, never close, yet never far. If it had indeed reached this place before us...

    The weak shall fall, and the strong shall fall, and the Vasari shall remain triumphant. What will come will come, and they will face it when it does. Now there was work to be done.

Thanks for reading my post. I really like the ideas you have even if you didn't agree with some of my suggestions.

How I wish the devs at Sins would add another race to the field. By the way, are you planning to give pirates a major part in your novel? Though it's pretty obvious that they take advantage of any race that suits their fancy, depending on who pays the highest bid, it would be great if the pirates themselves consist of different factions that try to outdo each other and the conflicts they have among themselves may have an impact on the overall plot.

If you do plan to make pirates a part of the plot, would they consist of a combo of the different races, such as a bunch of rebels who bond together due to their disillusionment with their respective races? Or maybe a possibility that pirates infiltrate the political system of any of the races and complicate the internal political struggles that have been going on.

Maybe another novel focusing on these guys would work, focusing on their own point of view as the entire saga of the war among the three races unfolds.  

i kinda have to disagree about the perspective on advent here...they are a collective concsience. i imagine their leadership structure is actually rather effetive--if the top guy gets nocked off, everyone moves up a notch. and i don't see advent pirates being particularly common. its just not in their nature. or they wouldn't take money & would just hate everyone and attack randomly...remember-advent hate EVERYONE. and i imagine the unity would have a bit of an issue with rogue members.

yeah, i believe the advent would be pretty pissed if one of them was outside the Unity. Take the Giterna for example. They're all pretty much dead. Mind police got them . except for the experiment....he's going to show up again. i assume u mean the assassination of the High Coalescence wen u talk about the top guy being knocked off. think about it. imagine feeling yourself die. being shot in the head. but instead of dying, u live to feel the full extent of the pain. thats wat it would feel like for the Advent, because they have their Unified mind. for someone weak in psionic ability, their death would not have much of a reaction, because his psionic force would not be much of a change to the Unity, but the strong members of the Unity are universally missed when they die, if of old age, and painfully grieved for if killed. That's possibly a tactic the TEC/Vasari use against them...who knows? I kinda got that idea from Ender's Game and the buggers. Once their queen dies, they all die too. Not that the Advent are going to die, just that they're going to be seriously reoriented.

and AxeEmAll, im not sure whether or not the pirates will hav a big role in my story. they might not even have one. the only thoughts iv had on pirates is that Zeke might become the pirate lord and wen archie, not going to tell you what he becomes, meets him while raiding a pirate base, things get intense. but i dont hav a firmer idea than that. just going to let the story flow and see if pirates work themselves in. and if i hav pirates, they're only going to be TEC. in my mind, the Vasari and Advent haven't been there long enough to have pirate bands form. Even if they had, the rigid Vasari would never live down becoming a pirate, and the Advent would never break from the Unity.

Great story, I like the personifications of the Vasari and Advent in addition to TEC and how you have not just fighting but some politics and inner workings of the empires!

Chapter 4, part 2
Expansionism

The Advent

5 years ago, Advent home colony, High Palace

    Veronica shuddered as she turned away from him. It still hurt, to say that. Him. In the High Palace. But even she could not pretend his power was not real. She slowly turned her head back around, breathing slowly. He just sat there, watching her. On her chair. Her favorite chair! His mouth twitched, as if he had read her thoughts and thought them funny. Impossible. No one in the Unity had the strength to... Veronica grimaced. He did. This man did.
    He grinned openly now, still watching her.
    She sniffed at him. "Do you even have a name?"
    He raised an eyebrow at her, and she grunted. "Pardon me. I meant do you have a name, High Coalescence."
    He was grinning once more. How she hated that grin!
    "I was given no name. But I call myself Haiti. You will continue to call me High Coalescence, or sir, if nothing else can come to you."
    Now it was her turn to raise an eyebrow. He was given no name? And what kind of name was Haiti? She looked into his eyes, and their expression grew harsh. Slowly he stood, hesitantly, as if unsure on his feet, and came slowly toward her. Praise the Might, she couldn't break away from his gaze. She couldn't move! Onward he came, closer and closer. Veronica wanted to scream. He was so close, their noses were almost touching. She looked fearfully into his deep white eyes. All the Advent had white eyes, and no pupils. It had something to do with their extended life spans. And he moved forward, slowly, ever so slowly, and if she could have moved a bat of her eyelashes would have touched him. His face pressed against hers.
    He kissed her, and Veronica screamed.
    But the cry lasted only for a few moments. As quick as the kiss came it ended, and the light went out of Veronica's eyes and she fell to the ground.
    The man crouched by the body and laughed softly. "You serve no purpose to the Unity now. And we are not wasteful."
    He stood and his white eyes blazed intensely. When he next spoke, it was not with his mouth, and the thought blazed across the Unity's mind like a firework.
    "The time has come for the Reemergence. Advent, prepare your ships. We have been waiting a thousand years for this moment! We will march upon the Trade Order, and we will crush their petty shells they call bodies! We will erase their minuscule existence from history forever! We are the Advent! We know no defeat! WE ARE THE UNITY!!!"
    Roars soared through the Unity's mind, streaming across like ripples in a pond. During a thunderstorm. Yet now it was a typhoon. Haiti smiled as he telepathically saw different Advent scurrying to the immense shuttle docks, where they would be taken up to the ship factories orbiting the planet. And then the Unity would launch.
    Haiti grinned, and it was the smile of a wolf. When he next spoke, he seemed to be addressing the still form lying on the floor.
    "We are exiles no longer, dear sister."

The Vasari

10 years ago, the Eltaris system

    Num'pol grimaced. Lightning bolts of energy snapped across the view ports, and the ship rumbled. They had left VASAR three hours after the meeting with Flankx, as ordered, and followed 1st branch's coordinates to the middle of this plasma storm. And now they were stuck here, waiting for another message.
    "Elite Subjugator..."
    Num'pol turned. "Yes?"
    "Forgive me, sir, but I come with news from the Tripoli. They are sending their next coordinate chart, but they do not advise you to follow them."
    "What? And what are we to do then?"
    "They said the message would explain, sir."
    "Dismissed."
    Num'pol sat back in his chair. What plan has Esquian hatched? Well, it would do no good questioning what he knew not. He would wait for Esquian's message, and be patient. But it rankled.
    Num'pol's screen lit up with a notification icon, and he pressed one of his long, sinuous fingers onto it.
    Esquian's voice came out of the speaker. "Greetings to the 2nd branch of the Remnant fleet. Victory favor your conflict. I am at galactic position 490, 275, en route to a phase lane sending out high spatial distortion waves. We do not know what we will uncover, but we wish for the 2nd branch and the Platinum to converge on position 537, 296 and head out through a phase lane other than the northwest one in continuation of our mission. This is Esquian al'Norte, Elite Subjugator. Message end. Let light touch your cannons, Num'pol, and let the darkness flee before it."
    There was a click and the communications box dimmed. The Tripoli must be out of communication range. Or blocked by some sort of radiation. Esquian's message left more questions unsolved than answers. What sort of object projected that high of a spatial distortion radiation count? Why did Esquian think he might not be able to continue the mission? How high were those radiation waves? Num'pol hissed quietly. It could not be a trap...could it? No, they were of the same rank, so there would be no advantage for Esquian. Besides, they were friends. Or as close to friendship as you can get as a Vasari. Friendship was for the weak, and the weak were conquered.
    It did not matter what Esquian did. He would find a way out of any troubling situation, he was slippery like that. Meanwhile, he had a mission to complete.
    "Command center, alter course for position 535, 295 through a phase lane. I will be with you shortly."
    The Vasari would never be conquered.

I like the ranks you came up with. Keep up the good job, man.

Fujuki

if u guys r questioning the ships names, its still a while till the races get to the point where we play in sins. so no "real" ship names yet. i get to make them up

AND WE HAVE IT!

i am introducing a new segment of Sinners, called Sinners Chronicles. It might follow the story, it might not, but its going to be a collection of videos with some background info on the races and some of their lore. its gonna be sweet. at least wen i get the full fraps. right now i hav the free version, which is sucky. so the first video i made im calling a teaser, and ill change it into the actual prologue for Chronicles as soon as i get the full fraps.

but watch it tell me wat u think!

u can watch it HERE on youtube (terrible quality, just terrible) or download it off of mediafire HERE. either way, let me no wat u think about the idea of Sinners Chronicles.